A WOMAN WHO BELIEVES IN HERSELF IS UNSTOPPABLE

on meeting powerful women and reflecting on my own journey thus far

She stood on the podium wearing hot-pink, the president of a national organization creating impactful change in healthcare, a brown woman with curly black hair, my mentor and somebody who I have had the personal joy of learning from intimately over the past 3 years. I watched as she commanded a large hall full of national leaders in her field, all intently listening and learning, taking notes as she spoke. She didn’t have to speak loudly. The moment she started talking, there was pin-drop silence. This is what I love. I love women leaders. I love women teachers. I love women who unapologetically embrace their femininity, wear the pinkest, most girly outfits with the confidence of veterans, and that’s exactly what they are. She, is a brown woman leader who has found herself the top of the hierarchy, bathed in her powerful femininity, in an organization run mostly by white men. She is a veteran of having survived limiting, patriarchal structure through her sheer will and determination. And by some miracle, she believes in me.

Through our years of mentorship, she saw me lose my light in an unfulfilling relationship, survive having my entire team at work quit twice (I had to run a social work department in an oncology practice, all by myself, fresh out of grad school), lose most of my friends, begin to live alone, go through a terrible break-up followed by intense depression, and come back as the strongest version of myself. The only thing she’d say to me in those days when I’d turn up to our mentorship sessions crying and feeling empty was, “Do not lose yourself. You know who you are.” She was one of the few people who pushed me to find my way back home to myself. I’m so glad I listened. It really just takes that one person believing in you. She was the first person who had told me to leave my last relationship when all the warning signs had appeared. I wish I had listened sooner. She could see me losing my sense of self even before I could.

The other night, I met another woman who was a mother, a leader, and a teacher. She had no reason to speak to me for as long as she did, but she stayed. She listened. She gently reassured me that it was okay for me to not want the things all the other girls my age back home wanted. I had needed to hear it from a woman I looked up to. I had never wanted marriage, or kids, or to be an employee. For as long as I can remember, I have only wanted to lead. I didn’t always have the right tools or all the knowledge, but I kept trying to find a way to learn more, to find the right mentors, and to be okay with taking my time. She told me that night at dinner, “I can feel what you have within you. It’s time to let it out.” We were surrounded by other women on that table, and I have never felt more at home.

A woman who believes in herself is untouchable. She can withstand any force of resistance in this world. I know this, because every single role model I have is a woman who has overcome unrealistically challenging odds and still emerged as the best version of herself. You can try to break her, you can try to intimidate her, but you will never be able to take away her inner power. It was gifted to her from Creation, it belongs to her and only her. When she learns to steer it, she is unstoppable.

I am nowhere near where I would like to be right now, but my journey has already taught me so much. Every heartbreak, every loss, every failure, has shown me how much I used to underestimate my own inner strength. I survived everything that I believed would kill me. I kept coming back, even when I had every reason to give up on myself. There were times when I felt absolutely alone, and it was in those times that I looked for guidance, and I found it within. When I had nobody to talk to, my Goddess spoke to me. I found my divine mother watching over me, her energetic presence as strong as a corporeal one. When I felt betrayed by every person I had loved, I was gifted with new people. I had to keep believing even when there were no signs of betterment in my physical reality, but my faith always won.

I went from being in a relationship where I felt undervalued, taken for granted, and abandoned, to one where I am seen, cherished, supported and actively have my emotional needs met. I went from struggling as the only person in my role at work, to now having a team of beautiful colleagues who take care of each other and are working towards a shared purpose. I went from having nobody to talk to, to finally having people I can trust and rely on- I never needed twenty friends, I had just yearned for a small community that really saw me for who I was, and I am finally finding it. There are still times when I feel alone, there are still times when I miss who I used to be, but I am now able to grieve that past version of me and am laying her to rest. There is nobody else I would rather be than the woman I am now, and I am unstoppable.